creating myself

Creating Myself

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Unkown

The first time I saw the quote was at my chiropractors office. It say’s unknown but I did find something online that said that is was said by George Bernard Shaw.

Although I am not sure who gets the credit for the quote…do you realize how many google memes there are with variations of this? Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes. This hit me. It hit me in a way nothing else before has.

I have always been fascinated with creating. I think now it was most likely an escape for me. I remember at a very young age coming up with stories, as well as drawings to describe those stories…I was a child in her own little world that never could stop creating on some level. Well until I was a little older. You see society & the expectations of others can often crush a creative spirit. It is so ingrained into our culture to do so, that I am pretty sure most people have no clue they are participating in such an act. It is a cultural pattern that just keeps perpetuating itself.

I do not recall much in my education or home life that nurtured my creativity, or prevented me from losing my desire to create. It seems like after you reach a certain age & everyone wants you to buckle down, reform & be serious.

It was only through art classes in High school, & later on when I was working on my Interior Design degree in College that I found the support & a nurturing environment to pursue those ambitions. There were a lot of years where I shut this passion down.

I am pretty much a rebel in that I have internally fought the pressure to always conform…to look & be a certain way. In my teens I thought I was going to be a beautician or makeup artist. I checked out every book from the library on each subject. I was already experimenting with color…mainly when it came to my artistic endeavors but it benefited me when I was studying various programs that covered color & personal image. I’ve realized of late, that it was because my image was the only thing I felt I had control over. I had very little control over anything else in my environment.

I experimented a lot back then. I knew a lot of things about makeup, image, the best clothing for my body type. That was only the beginning though. I was still in the finding myself sort of mode. I do think there is merit in trying to find oneself.

To discard the idea that we have to find ourselves seems a little abrupt or incomplete as far as direction goes…. If we are growing we are constantly  learning & finding out things about ourselves, who we are, where we came from, why we have certain tendencies & do certain things…?

There are so many questions we often want & need answered. In my opinion this information gives us the platform for self creation. It is how I have worked on the creation of myself. There are many things that just are, & cannot be changed. I have to know this & understand this to even begin.

Just as I do when I am starting a new design for a client, I have to analyze the situation…even look at what the limitations may be…which are only limitations if you see them as such & make them your barriers instead of your guides.

I have been playing with this idea of talking about my journey of self creation for a long time. I had a cousin ask me probably six years ago to tell her about my self creation. She has seen me evolve over time to an almost unrecognizable person. Truth is I feel very little connection to who I was in the past. Deep down I still have that little girl to nurture…it may even be through that recognition that she needed nurturing that got me on this path. I am not sure.

For me to share this journey I am on to create myself, to be the best being I can possibly be has taken a shedding of a lot of negative beliefs & judgments about myself. It has also required me to shed beliefs & judgments about others. Most of these things I have had to shed weren’t mine anyway…they were beliefs that were planted in me by people who wanted to manipulate or modify my behavior on some level….Here are some of the beliefs I have had to get rid of, or reconcile to be able to share any of this with you.

• Exercise is vain & a waste of time.
• Wearing makeup is vain & makes me a fake.
• Caring about my appearance is an ego driven pursuit.
• Taking care of my body & eating right shouldn’t be a priority because I will die someday anyway.
• I am supposed to suffer & be miserable so that no one will feel uncomfortable around me or feel that I have something they don’t.
• If I look nice I am seeking attention, want sex or trying to make other woman jealous.

These are just a few. If none of this resonates with you then don’t worry about it. We are not all compatible. I am only doing this as a contribution & if it isn’t for you, then please find something that will be…for your own good.

We all have different priorities. For myself I have found that I need to prioritize myself with self nurturing to balance out all my other ambitions & focuses. When I don’t I feel just awful.

So are you ready for this? Here goes!